The dog who stole Christmas

Early in his life, before he grew to loathe other dogs, our mutt had all the makings of a benign dictator-in-waiting.

He made liberal claims to territory, marking anything that crested the lofty height of three inches as his own.
Cartoon of a dog urinating vigorously against a fence and thinking, 'Mine.'Cartoon of a dog urinating against a lamp post and thinking, 'Mine.'Cartoon of a dog urinating weakly on a flower and thinking, 'Mine.'Cartoon of a dog straining to urinate a few drops on a tree and thinking, 'Miiiine.'He was magnanimous with his bounty, allowing canine and human alike to roam freely within his domain.
Cartoon of an excited-looking dog introducing himself to another dog: 'I am Lord Jettison Tiberius Doge, sniffer of bums, destroyer of rats, chewer of calcium hydroxylapatite artefacts.'The dog continues, 'I have urinated on every vertical surface as far as the nose can sniff and am master of these lands all about.'Cartoon of a boxer dog thinking, 'Huh. I'm Butch.'Life was joyous and plentiful, and for a while it seemed that his glorious ascension had reached its pinnacle.

He had walked everywhere he could walk, weed everywhere he could wee and conquered every land within reach.

But as his first Christmas rolled around, Dog seized on an opportunity that would cement his supremacy forevermore.
Cartoon of a dog urinating against a Christmas tree and thinking, 'Mine.'His strategy was simple, yet brilliant.
Cartoon of a dog with his chest puffed out, thinking 'Now I own Christmas. I am Lord-Commander-in-Chief of the Season of Joy!'Cartoon of a dog in a pile of torn-up paper, wagging his tail furiously and thinking, 'Wrapping paper is fun!'And as always, he was generous with his spoils.
Cartoon of a dog rolling in torn up wrapping paper and broken toys under a Christmas tree, thinking 'Oh. You're here.'Cartoon of a dog surrounded by torn wrapping paper, wagging its tail furiously and thinking, 'Come, share these wondrous gifts I have claimed.I freed them from their bonds so that you may enjoy them immediately!'It was a most golden moment in the auspicious Dynasty of Dog.Cartoon of a dog lying on the lounge contentedly between two kids.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “The dog who stole Christmas

Comment on this post

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s